HEHEHEHEHE THIS ONE IS FOR SHER
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

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What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

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Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

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Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

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How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

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How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

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How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

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How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.

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How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

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How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE .........He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

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What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.

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What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.

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What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

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What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."

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Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.

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Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.

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Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

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Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.

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Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

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Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

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Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.