1. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff!

2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge,behind the sofa,or under the bed.

4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

5. I will not eat the cats food, before they eat it OR after they throw it up.

6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when i am about to get sick.

7. I will not throw up in the car.

8. I will not roll on dead seagulls,fish,crabs,etc..,just because I like the way they smell.

9. "Kitty Box Crunchies", although they are tasty, are not food.

10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

12. I will not chew my humans toothbrush and not tell them.

13. I will not chew crayons, or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think Im hemorraging.

14. When I am in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when its raining outside.

15. We Do Not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one.

16. I will not steal my moms underwear and dance all over the backyard with them.

17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and dad's laps.

18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's Drivers license and car registration.

20. i will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he is sitting on the toilet.

21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage to avoid having a string hanging out of my butt.

22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option after just getting a bath.

23. Sticking my nose in someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying Hello.

24. I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought it was the right thing to do.

25. I will not fart in my owners face while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.

26. I will not come in from outside and immediatly drag my butt across the carpet.

27. The toilet bowl is not a never ending supply of water and just because the water is blue, it doesnt mean its cleaner.

28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.

30. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's not usually a good thing.